


The Archive, Space Pirates, and Group chats

by crypticalWitch



Category: The Bifrost Incident - The Mechanisms (Album), The Magnus Archives (Podcast), The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Agender Character, Angst, Chatlogs, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Multi, No beta we kayak like Tim, Sporadic Updates, Trans Male Character, Writers block fic, group chat shenanigans, meta jokes, no one in the archive is cishet, random time jumps, tags to be updated, whoops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:41:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27412141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crypticalWitch/pseuds/crypticalWitch
Summary: Lyf starts working at the Magnus Archive. Shenanigans ensue.sportact updates at best.Placement in the timeline in chapter titles
Relationships: Ivy Alexandria/Raphaella la Cognizi/Lyfrassir Edda/Marius von Raum
Comments: 32
Kudos: 124
Collections: Mechanisms and Magnus Crossovers that maintain the integrity of mechanisms lore





	1. The very begining

**Author's Note:**

> Whos Who?
> 
> Timtam- Tim  
> ahsaS- Sasha  
> Marto- Martin  
> Lyf- Lyf
> 
> Be Agender, Commit Tax Evasion- Lyf  
> Be Trans, Throw Hands- Marius

**Timtam** added **Lyf** to the **“Archivist Anonymous chat.”**

**ahsaS-** Whos this?

**Timtam-** This is Lyfrasir

**Timtam-** Lyfriser

**Timtam-** Lyfraser

**Lyf-** Just say Lyf.

**Timtam-** that's probably for the best.

**Timtam-** Elias seems to think we needed another assistant.

**ahsaS-** oh

**Marto-** But how do you say/spell your full name?

**Lyf-** lyfrassir Lyf- ra-ser.

**Timtam-** THANK 

**ahsaS-** Pronouns?

**Lyf-** They/them please

**Lyf-** who is laughing? I can hear you across the archive.

**Marto-** i swear Elias is collecting us.

**Lyf-** ?

**ahsaS-** No one down here is Straight or Cis

**Lyf-** Lol imagine being Cishet

**Timtam-** Cringe

**Marto-** cringe

**ahsaS-** cringe

**The Iridescents Group chat.**

**Be Agender, Commit Tax Evasion-** I have found my People.

**Be Trans,Throw Hands-** ?


	2. Sometime in the future.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim discovers a benefit of interdimensional time travel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can never promise that things will ever be in order.
> 
> Whos whos?
> 
> Where are my Teeth sir?- Tim  
> Master of Legs- Daisy  
> 2/3 people with sense- Basira  
> 1/3 people with Sense- Sasha  
> Owns an immortal cat- Georgie  
> Seduced Raph to give her robo eyes- Melanie
> 
> Entities aint SHIT- Lyf  
> Supposed to be flying the ship- Marius  
> Was not seduced into giving Melanie Robo eyes- Raphaella

**Where are my Teeth sir?** \- OMGGG

**Master of Legs-** what

**Where are my Teeth sir?** \- GEESE!

**Where are my Teeth sir?** Changed his name to  **Canonically Assigned Hot by Basira**

**2/3 people with sense** \- while your not wrong,

**2/3 people with sense** \- what prompted this?

**Canonically Assigned Hot by Basira** \- i shall answer with a question of my own

**Canonically Assigned Hot by Basira** \- [sent a link]

**Canonically Assigned Hot by Basira** \- accurate?

**Entities aint SHIT** \- i just saw Basira spit her tea out

**Entities aint SHIT** \- what did you do?

**2/3 people with sense** changed  **Master of Legs** name to  **1- all cops are BASTARDS**

**2/3 people with sense** changed her name to  **2- i am gay!**

**Canonically Assigned Hot by Basira** \- [sent a link]

**Canonically Assigned Hot by Basira** \- CONTEXT

**1/3 people with Sense** \- well, do you?

**Canonically Assigned Hot by Basira** \- ?

**1/3 people with Sense** \- have a fear of geese.

**Canonically Assigned Hot by Basira** \- yes

**Canonically Assigned Hot by Basira** \- sash you know this

**Supposed to be flying the ship** \- I DIDN'T!

**Owns an immortal cat** \- Will someone explain why Daisy is sob-laughing over a plasma rifle?

**Seduced Raph to give her robo eyes** \- scroll up

**Was not seduced into giving Melanie Robo eyes** \- THERES ONE FOR MELANIE TOO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire chapter is just me having a breakdown over (In order) "canonically assigned hot by basira", "that is what most of the daisy comments say" and "escape the institute? that's a good move!" by elliotly. Go listen


	3. after the worm attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the names are sorta complicated in this one, hang on tight

**Fuckin’ Worms**

**Eats Books:** Well that happened.

**Eats Books:** i nearly got changeling-ed, 

**Eats Books:** nearly became ferilizer

**Eats Books:** found out elias HATES Lyf, and we love that

**Eats Books:** cause they are like a protection talisman.

**Eats books:** and someone changed our names? Whos who?

**Inspector (flirtatious):** Its Lyf, My Partners and I were drunk, i changed the wrong names, sorry,

**Boom shit Tim:** Should i use a gauze or a Plaster for worm holes

**Jonny D’bitch:** Gause to be safe.

**Dont put Teeth In Tea Please:** WHO WERE THESE FOR???? 

**Inspector (flirtatious):** again, my partners, and they are references to several old friends, and a previous occupation.

**Boom shit Tim:** You went from an Inspecter to worm bait?

**Inspector (flirtatious):** I’ve done worse.

**Eats Books:** can...can we meet them?

**Inspector (flirtatious):** My Partners, or my worse jobs?

**Eats Books:** Partners?

**Inspector (flirtatious):** Give me a Moment,

**Inspector (flirtatious)** added  **Own Knif, be Badass** ,  **Bi Crimess** ,  **MOTH** ,  **Better TS**

**Boom shit Tim** : I COULD’VE BEEN BI CRIMES????

**Inspector (flirtatious):** I was very drunk.

**Boom shit Tim** changed their name to  **Bi Crimess (2)**

**Eats Books:** hello Lyf’s partners, Im Sasha, 

**Eats Books:** the dumbass who just changed his name is Tim,

**Eats Books:** @Jonny D’bitch is Jon, whos name worked out well,

**Eats Books:** and @Dont put Teeth In Tea Please is Martin i think

**Dont put Teeth In Tea Please:** hello!

**MOTH:** Hello Lyfs coworkers, I am Dr. Raphaella La Cognizi Von Raum Alexandria Edda.

**Own Kinf, be Badass:** none of us a married, Raph’s just dramatic.

**MOTH:** you love me!!

**Own Kinf, be Badass:** for some reason.

**MOTH:** =O

**Inspector (flirtatious):** im fixing the names 

**Inspector (flirtatious):** changed Bi Crimess (1) name to To sexy to be this dumb

**Inspector (flirtatious)** : Von Raum (Marius)

**To sexy to be this dumb:** ah! Inspector Lyf (<3)

**Inspector (flirtatious):** changed Eats Books name to  **Own Knif, be Badass**

**Own Knif, be Badass: *gasp*** Lyff!!

**Inspector (flirtatious):** i’ve seen you with a gun. You’ve scared me with a gun.

**To sexy to be this dumb:** *gasp* a weapon conasur??

**Bi Crimess:** No,Sasha’s just much more competent than the rest of us,

**Jonny D’Bitch:** in everything.

**Own Knif, be Badass (2):** arent you the head Archivst?

**Jonny D’bitch:** yes.

**Inspector (flirtatious):** changed  **Own Knif, be Badass (2)** ’s name to  **Eats Books**

**Inspector (flirtatious):** changed **Dont Put teeth in Tea please** ’s name to  **Better TS**

**Better TS:** who’s TS?

**Eats Books:** It was an old friend of ours with a pension for doing Tea Crimes.

**Bi Crimes:** Were Thease Tea crimes like.. 

**Bi Crimes:** Jon’s Tea or Putting Teeth into the Tea?

**Eats books:** the second one.

**MOTH:** where did it get the teeth.

**Eats books:** Raph?

**Science Crimes:** Me?

**Eats Books** : i thought you were MOTH

**Inspector (flirtatious):** guess who just discovered a much quicker way of changing the names?

**Bi Crimess:** but where did the teeth come from?

**Science Crimes:** No one knows!

**Science Crimes:** It just had them!

**Science Crimes:** they were real teeth sooo.

**Own Knif, be Badass:** ew.

**Bi Crimes:** ok, were getting off Topic.

**MOTH** : which one do we want to go back to?

**MOTH** : Tea crimes, Odd nicknames, Lyf downgrading, Sasha nearly getting kidnapped by a shapeshifter, 

**MOTH** : or Worm 

**Bi Crimes:** worm 

**Science Crimes:** Worm

**Eats books:** Worm 

**Inspector (flirtatious):** Worm 

**Better TS:** worm 

**Own Knif, be Badass:** worm 

**To sexy to be this dumb:** WORM??? 

**To sexy to be this dumb:** Is THAT WHY YOU HAVE HOLES IN YOUR ARM???

**Inspector (flirtatious):** yes, i gave the corpses to Raph to study,

**Inspector (flirtatious):** love you were next to me, sobbing and drinking alcoholic root beer.

**Eats books:** How drunk did you get Marius????

**Bi Crimes:** and off alcoholic rootbeer no less!


	4. when they leave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whos Who?
> 
> Cult leader-Lyfrassir  
> Octo-Dad-Martin  
> Fearless- Georgie   
> woof- Daisy  
> Fucking Gertrude- Ivy  
> T.N.T- Sasha  
> We're Dynamite- Tim  
> Moth Wings-

**Circus gonna Circ**

**Cult leader-** sound off, who's alive?

**Octo-Dad-** Jon and I are ok.

**Fearless-** Melanie, Basira and I are safe 

**woof-** im fine

**Fucking Gertrude-** Raph, Marius and i are enjoying ourselves. =3

**T.N.T-** shit

**T.N.T-** Tims hurt

**T.N.T-** he’s breathing, but not moving

**T.N.T-** he had a pulse.

**T.N.T-** his jaws in bad shape.

**Moth wings-** I'm on my way.

\----------

“I'm taking what's mine Jonah.” Lyf hissed. They had pulled their old inspector uniform back on, the ones whose stark white slowly twisted and swirled with vague colours and blood stains. 

“You are not taking MY archivist,” Jonah whirled around in his swivel chair, deep green eyes glowing faintly, “I won't le-

“You cannot stop me,” Lyf snarled, rising to their fullest height. “And i'm taking all of them.”

“Ill Kill you before i let you take them.” Jonah stood.

“I’d like to see you try.”

“I heavily doubt you can do anything to me,” He purred, “The Eye can see through 

The Spiral's little lies.”

Lyfrassir laughed, “how are you so convinced your gods are the strongest thing in the universe,” The room warped slightly, “oh how wrong you are Magnus.”   
  


“Then what do you ser-”

“The better question is to ask what I am,” Lyf turned, “I am taking your archive’s crew, and I'm leaving.” Lyf walked out of the office, nodded to Jonah’s assistant and continued down the hall, Jonah following on their heels.

“What are you?” he yelled, a heavy static in his voice. Compulsion. Easily avoided, but where's the fun in that.

“Do you really want to know?” lyf turned and grinned. The hall's air was dead, still. 

Lyfrassir laughed, as an oil slick tentacle wrapped Jonah's leg. “Well,” the walls warped, twitched, and exploded in bismuth swirls and writhing fire and squamous limbs and crimson gore, “I am what rem **ains of the Key and the Gate, I am yogsathoth, the bifrost. I AM THE THING TO WHICH YOUR GODS BOW** .” a tentacle wrapped itself around Jonah’s neck, lifting him in the air as Lyf strode across the floor, the shifting colours wrapping themselves around their leg, “ _ and i am taking your archive, his friends and some cops and there's nothing you can do to stop me. _ ” they hissed with a fanged grin.

\------------

Raphaella sighed, Tim’s gentle breaths combined with the hisses and clicks of her mini lab. Tims silver-steel jaw was open slightly, and moved well with his breaths, the tubes and valves that let the BLC slowly drip into the mechanism barely impeding his movement.

Tims vitals looked about normal for a terrain human, the BLC barely impeding his blood flow. Raphaella sighed, picking up her phone..

\-------------

11:50 pm

**Raphaella-** Well, he looks good so far.

**Georgie-** So far?

**Raphaella-** The BLC (pronounced black) hasnt fucked with is heartbeat or breathing or brain,

**Ivy-** however its possible that his body may still reject it?

**Raphaella-** yes.

**Raphaella-** which is why i haven't left yet.

**Raphaella-** is Lyf back?

**Martin-** yeah, they went to change and get everyone a drink.

**Ivy-** how long ago did you start administering the BLC?

**Martin-** BLC?

**Raphaella-** about an hour and half ago by now, why?

**Ivy-** then there is a less than .5% chance of things going haywire.

**Ivy-** at least come help us pick a place.

**Raphaella-** fine

12:30

**We’re Dynamite!-** where am i and what happened to my jaw?

**We’re Dynamite!-** what's with all the tubes and

**We’re Dynamite!-** who’s blood is this?

**Raphaella-** DON'T MESS WITH THE TUBES 

**Tim-** ok?

**Tim-** please tell me you'll explain

**Tim-** wow talkings really hard

12:45

**Marius-** Update?

**Tim-** uhh yeah,

**Tim-** Im up, 

**Tim-** can't really talk,

**Tim-** And i heal ok, so that a thing

**Tim-** Raph’s running me through a bunch of tests to make sure everythings ok.

**Martin-** how are you feeling?

**Tim-** Mostly just tired and hungry.

**Tim-** Nm, Jon brought me a smoothie

**Tim-** Now i'm just tired.

**Tim-** shit i'm immortal now.

**Lyfrassir-** just hit you?

**Ivy-** we’ve all got a moment like that.

**Marius-** at least you werent high…

**Tim-** WHAT? 

**Jon-** what were you high off?

**Marius-** uhhh

**Marius-** yes

**Raphaella-** it was mostly painkillers, but i know he got a hold of some Sweed.

**Raphaella-** somehow…

**Raphaella-** you started crying from panic.

**Raphaella-** it scared the hell out of me.

**Marius-** not my proudest moment.

**Tim-** I CAN DO ALL OF THE DRUGS!

**Sasha-** NO!

**Jon-** please no

**Martin-** TIM NO!!!

**Tim-** Sasha! <3

**Tim-** you're ok!!!

**Tim-** i saw everyone else either in person or text, 

**Tim-** you're ok!!!!!!

**Tim-** i love you!

**Sasha-** I love you too,

**Sasha-** are you guys still in Raphs lab?

**Raphaella-** were headed up to the deck, met you there?

**Sasha-** yes.


	5. RIGHT AFTER LAST CHAPTER IM JUST STUPID

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeah, so this was meant to be after the last bit last chapter so here

Tim was rambling. He was rambling on and on about nothing in particular. illuminated by the faint starlight so that his eyes and metal jaw shined. Sasha smiled, before gently taking his hand. Tim stopped, and blushed.

“Uhh, Sash?” 

“Yeah?” 

“...I Love you.” Tim whispered.

“I love you too” Sasha smiled, and Tim blushed.


	6. soon after they steal their new ship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bet you weren't expecting THIS *updates twice in a short amount of time*

**Georgie B at the Scene** _ @whattheghostpo... _

hello everyone, it is with a heavy heart that I must announce that WTG will be going on indefinite hiatus. In the meantime, Melanie and I are working on something a little bit different, that I hope you guys will like! :)

\--------------

**Fan made Transcript of EP 0- Cant have shit on the Irridencense**

**Georgie-** anyone who thinks mantis shrimp are overrated can catch these hands.

**Melanie (laughing)-** that's our intro

**Georgie (alarmed)-** we are not starting a brand new podcast with a rant about unseen colours and shrimp!

**Melanie (still laughing)-** nononononon- just you going to bat for fucking Mantis Shrimp.

**Georgie-** oooohhh ok.

**Georgie** (overlapping)- everyone should and will know i will go to bat for fucking mantis shrimp, 

**Melanie (overlapping)-** we aren't starting with a 15 minute rant about Jon’s hatred of sea creatures and how that barely relates to colour

**_The pair laugh_ **

**Melanie-** we should probably explain.

**Georgie-** about the mantis shrimp?

**_A beat_ **

**Melanie-** the podcast georgie..

**Georgie-** OH DUH I'm sorry, anyway welcome to Life on the Iridescence, Melanie, Myself, My Ex, and his coworkers have been willingly whisked away from earth, and now we're all cramped into a tiny ship until we steal a new one

**Melanie-** and also They’re cyborgs.

**Georgie-** yes the Aliens are cyborgs Melanie

**Georgie-** that's really important to you for some reason?

**Melanie-** That is incredibly important to me, since it means i win a bet

**Georgie-** With WHO?

**Melanie-** does it matter? I win!

**_Georgie sighes._ **

\----------------

**Fan made Transcript of EP 7- The mysterious case of Tims goddamn Teeth**

**Jon (spooky voice)-** there are in fact, flat planets, but the earth sure as hell isn't one,

**Georgie (chipper)-** Welcome to Life aboard The Iridescence, where Martin hasn't let a Dog on board yet, but has been collecting a Octo-kitten army, I'm the Quartermaster, Georgie, 

**Jon (normal)-** and i'm the Archivist Jon.

**Georgie-** and someone stole Tim’s fucking Teeth.

**Jon (rightfully baffled)-** w-what?

**Georgie-** you heard me.

**Jon-** like, his bone ones? Or…

**Georgie-** no, the metal ones, specifically the fangs.

**Jon-** what would someone want with Tims tusks?

**Georgie-** Fangs

**Jon-** they’re bottom row teeth that stick out, those are tusks

**Georgie-** but they’re small, WERE GETtING OFF TRACK, who stole Tims God damn teeth,

**Jon-** and why? 

\--------------

**Fan made Transcript of EP 8- Book Club, Tim interrupts, and Raphaella La Cognizi is a fucking weirdo**

**Marius-** but i still don't understand WHY it was _sOoO_ _necessary_ to abandon the Creature, it just wanted to be cared about,

**Georgie-** Exactly, and also, if you didn't want it reproducing, then don't give it reproductive parts! That simple! Victor Frankenstein is a god damn du-

**(heavy footsteps, the sound of a door slamming open and a loud clatter)**

**Tim (confused and angry)-** RAPH STOLE MY TEETH!

**Georgie-** why?

**Marius-** what?

**Tim-** WHO KNOWS! ITS RAPH, oh are you guys recording? 

**Georgie-** yeah, we were in the middle of discussing frankenstein.

**Tim-** oh nice! I always preferred Carmilla and Dracula over the Creature, but the book is a great read.

**Marius-** Carmilla?

**Lyfrassir (from the hall)-** not the doctor!

**Marius-** oh.

**Tim (being dragged away [probably by Lyfrassir])-** i'll see you guys laterrrr

**Transcript of EP 50.5 - dont record shit drunk STOKERS**

**Tim (slurred and overlapping)-** HII Georgie!!!!

**? (slurred and overlapping)-** ‘ellloo Georgie!

**Tim-** w-were a liiittle drunk.

**?-** jst-just a bitt

**Tim-** buuttt we wanted to leave you a biit of a message.

**?-** melii a bit tipsy too, and jon was trying to corral us away

**Jon (exasperated)-** and i clearly failed, come on you two, let's leave Georgies recording supplies alone.

_ (a series of disappointed noises,) _

**Jon-** sorry Georgie, i tried, but your girlfriend is a master of distractions.

Melanie (faint)- that is a fucking lie Sims, you were making out with your-

\----

**Georgie-** that dear listeners, is what happens when you put two drunk immortals near recording equipment. Thanks guys, i have a new ringtone.

**Tim (faint, through metal)-** WE SAID WE WERE SORRY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh? whos this? any guesses??? =)=)=)


	7. before the worm attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning- Sex (the word, not the actual thing) and sex jokes, cursing.
> 
> God (truth)- Lyfrassir  
> Goddess (truth)- Sasha  
> Sacrilege (invitation)- Jon  
> Sex (condamnation)-Tim  
> I’d rather worship cows please- MArtin
> 
> [REDACTED]- Lyfrassir  
> [REDACTDID]- Raphaella  
> {REDACTDONT}- Ivy  
> ]REDACTION[- Marius

**God (Tired)-** HELLO YES HAS ANYONE SEEN A WRITHING BALL OF FUR AND TENTACLES?

**God (Tired)-** IT'S NOT A WORM THING, ITS MY GIRLFRIENDS AND IT STOWED AWAY IN MY BAG

**I’d Rather worship cows please-** is that what this little thing is?

**I’d Rather worship cows please-** it seems to like my lap.

**I’d Rather worship cows please-** is?

**I’d Rather worship cows please-** is it purring?

**Goddess (truth)-** I’ve found him and what is that thing?

**God (tired)-** its an octo kitten, my girlfriend made it, and it stowed away in my bag, 

**Sacrilege (invitation)-** Octo

**Sacrilege (invitation)-** Kitten

**Sex (condamnation)** \- why?

**I’d Rather worship cows please-** Can i keep it?

**God (Tired)-** i don't know, she was proud.

**God (Tired)-** and probably, our apartment is practically infested.

**God (Tired)-** well there's four, but they're annoying little buggers.

**Sex (condamnation)-** why do you want to keep it?

**I’d Rather worship cows please** \- eats worms!

**God (tired)-** really?

**God (tired)-** wait, why am I surprised i’ve seen these fuckers eat rat poison and be fine.

**Sacrilege (invitation)-** Hate to rain on everyone's parade,

**Goddess (truth)-** lies 

**Sacrilege (invitation)-** but maybe we should ask elias?

**Sex (condamnation)-** fuck elias!

**Sacrilege (invitation)-** i’d rather not

**God (tired)-** no thanks

**I’d Rather worship cows please-** ew

**Goddess (truth)-** no thank you!

**Sex (condamnation)-** children. Every one of you

  
  


\-----------------------

**[REDACTED]-** Raphaella?

**[REDACTDID]-** yeesss?

**[REDACTED]-** I found the patchy gray Octo Kitten you were looking for. 

**[REDACTDID-** REALLY?

**[REDACTED]-** it stowed away with me to work.

**{REDACTDONT}-** ah, of course.

**[REDACTED]-** but we have an issue,

**[REDACTED]-** Martin has gotten 

**[REDACTED]-** attached.

**[REDACTDID]-** REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**[REDACTED]-** and he wanted to keep it. is that alright?

**[REDACTDID]-** of course!!!

**{REDACTDONT}-** its a yes from me.

**]REDACTION[-** same here!

**[REDACTED]-** lovely!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like everyone should know the Octokittens name is "Marquise Madam Misty Shade the Fourth" Misty for short. which has two puns in it! Mis Tea and...well she's technically Martins =)


End file.
